You Know You’re a Basement Player When…

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

Basement Player

If this article is describes you to a tee, it’s time to join a table tennis club or find a coach and erase the title of basement player.

You know you’re a basement player when…

  1. You believe Butterfly’s marketing department when they say your premade racket has characteristics of Speed = 95/100, Spin = 95/100 and Control = 100/100. Numbers haven’t been this inflated since Germany’s currency before World War II.
  2. You call the sport “ping pong” and don’t understand why your Chinese friends keep ranting, “It’s TABLE TENNIS!
  3. You’ve never tossed a ball higher than 1 foot when serving.
  4. You think Brian Pace actually uses the “Butterfly Brian Pace” premade racket.
  5. You visit a real table tennis club and every time you step 3 feet away from the table you’re surprised that you haven’t bumped into a wall yet.
  6. You’ve never broken a sweat playing ping pong.
  7. You brag to all your friends about how good your “spike” is in ping pong.
  8. You burst into laughter every time you hit a net or edge.
  9. You drool over the newest 7-star ******* racket.
  10. You don’t believe that table tennis is an Olympic sport.
  11. You think 3 rotations per second is a lot of spin.

I hope I haven’t offended you. If I have, then it’s about time you went to the next level. Check out the Coach Wiki and Videos section to pick up your game.

Are you a recovering “Basement Player”?

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4 Responses to “You Know You’re a Basement Player When…”

  1. JimC says:

    Your average basement player has never heard of Brian Pace 🙂

    Here are a few more

    1) you think you play better after having four beers

    2) you think blue jeans and a wife beater shirt is proper Ping pong attire

    3) you think a guy who is built like Tom Hanks could really be a world class table tennis player

    4) you brag that you put “alot of English” on a ball

    5) you think it is illegal for a serve to bounce twice on the receiver’s side of the table

    6) you think Playing “with pimples” means your doubles partner is a teenager with acne

    7) you think ANTISPIN is a control on the warp drive of the starship Enterprise

    8) you think a sandpaper paddle puts “lots of English” on a ball

  2. […] in 5 years the ITTF will have rectified some of these issues and table tennis will no longer be a basement sport played by drunk college students that have run out of cups for beer […]

  3. Millie says:

    Are there any restrictions to how many balls I can put in my shorts pockets when practicing with lots of people?
    They are never in my pockets long anyway.

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